Girls & sex : : Navigating the Complicated new Landscape

Locations
Call Number: 306.708 Or, Parent Shelf 306.708 Or, Adult Book / Nonfiction / Social Science / Gender Studies / Orenstein, Peggy
On Shelf At: Downtown Library

Location & Checkout Length	Call Number	Checkout Length	Item Status
Downtown 2nd Floor 4-week checkout	306.708 Or	4-week checkout	On Shelf
Downtown 2nd Floor 4-week checkout	306.708 Or	4-week checkout	On Shelf
Downtown Kids Parent Shelf 4-week checkout	Parent Shelf 306.708 Or	4-week checkout	On Shelf
Pittsfield Adult Books 4-week checkout	Adult Book / Nonfiction / Social Science / Gender Studies / Orenstein, Peggy	4-week checkout	Due 05-22-2024
Westgate Adult Books 4-week checkout	Adult Book / Nonfiction / Social Science / Gender Studies / Orenstein, Peggy	4-week checkout	Due 04-17-2024
Westgate Adult Books 4-week checkout	Adult Book / Nonfiction / Social Science / Gender Studies / Orenstein, Peggy	4-week checkout	Due 05-17-2024

Everything you never wanted to know about girls and sex (but really need to ask) -- Matilda Oh is not an object, except when she wants to be -- Are we having fun yet? -- Like a virgin, whatever that is -- Hookups and hang-ups -- Out: online and IRL -- Blurred lines, take two -- What if we told them the truth?
Presents an analysis of the new sexual landscape faced by girls in today's high schools and colleges, revealing hidden truths, hard lessons, and important possibilities in girls' modern-world sex lives.

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Eye-Opening submitted by sdunav on July 23, 2016, 10:46am This is a thoughtful look at the sexual behavior of teenagers today - something most parents should probably read. Orenstein covers many topics that are undoubtedly uncomfortable to discuss with your kids, but ought to be things you do talk through - consent, alcohol, porn, social media, rape, gender relations, the current state of sex and health education and in high schools, feminism, etc. Highly recommended, especially for those with teenage daughters or for young women themselves.

Critically needed, with a couple of caveats submitted by Susan4Pax -prev. sueij- on July 15, 2017, 8:17pm This book is exceptional. The landscape that girls grow up in... in clothing, in media (movies, music, ads, etc.), in social media and use of technology, and much more... is wildly different than the one I came of age in in the 1980's. The truth is that I have no real idea what my daughter's world looks like from her vantage point, here heading into middle school and as we roll forward into high school and college.

Orenstein interviewed 70 young women about their thoughts, opinions, sexual education (home and school), and experiences dating, hooking up (for all of its meanings), having sex (of all sorts), and exploring their own bodies. She talked with them (well... let them talk to her) about how they dress, how that feels, and how they are perceived. She talked about gender and identity. She talked about expectations in... I'd call them relationships, but the young ladies were often clear that these were not "relationships," they were just guys that they hung out with or went home with or gave blow jobs to (pretty much never reciprocated). They talked about relationships , too.

I was blown away. Half (35) had had encounters that were somewhere between "non-consentual" and rape. Only two had told an adult. Many expressed feelings of control and empowerment when they got dressed in sexy ways, but then felt a loss of control when they stepped out of their houses and were at the mercy of others' approval or disapproval. There seemed to be an acceptance of adults' message that "intercourse is a Big Deal," but I was rocked by the degree that the young women she talked to had experience with oral sex instead/ prior to/ in casual encounters with guys they had no intention of maintaining relationships with. She reports that young women who come from an abstinence-only background have, on average, sex a few months later than young women who do not (this is still in their late teens), but that they are vastly more likely to have sex without protection (hypothesizing that using protection would indicate that the sex was planned, which contradicts their sense of self, their training, and/or their "excuse" if caught/ called out). Alcohol lubricates sexual encounters more than I experienced in my personal life, and it blurs the line between consent and non-consent in ways that are unclear to all involved.

This book strikes me as necessary reading for anyone with a young woman in their life.

That said, there are a few things that concern me. All the notes are endnotes, rather than footnotes, so we never know whether we are reading something that is based on research or Orenstein's musings. Her interviews were primarily affluent White women, of which she is one as well. I have deep questions about whether this book speaks fully (or even well) for minorities and for the poor. She never claims that what she did is "research," in the sense of a balanced study, and yet she does appear to make huge generalizations about young women and their sexual lives and experiences... in ways that are shaping our cultural understanding.

I think this book is needed, but with perspective that this is a PIECE of what we as parents, friends, educators, aunts, grandparents, neighbors, social workers, therapists, and more need to know about young women's experiences. It captures aspects of what they deal with, and not the whole. Many young women have excellent experiences with young men. Many choose to step away from this culture and just do their own thing. But I do think that the outlier experiences become standout moments in people's lives, and such choices as how one dresses and how others respond is relevant to *everyone.*

One of Orenstein's big conclusions is that adults need to be MUCH more honest and up front with young people. From her interviews with the young women and with educators, it is clear to her that there is so much that young people do not know but have questions about. They go into relationships blind, and have to learn (or make mistakes) based on instinct, fear, or best guesses.

We owe them better than that. This book was eye-opening, and is a very good place to start.

A good start submitted by ckfinzel on July 9, 2019, 7:19pm It was first acquainted with Peggy Orenstein through her book "Cinderella Ate My Daughter," which I found very insightful and entertaining, while also being slightly horrified by some of the information that she put forward. I expected similar from this book, and was not disappointed. She has a knack for throwing together information that is sometimes appalling and making it digestible without being traumatizing. However, I wish that she would open up her sample pool to include more people along the gender spectrum, and to acknowledge at a deeper degree the way that these same conditions affect people of color and non-binary individuals, as well as people confirming to a more socially constrained gender expectation of femininity. She does talk a bit about same-sex relationships, but it's relegated to a small portion of the book. All in all, I think that it is a good start to a conversation that everyone should be having, and I'm glad to find more and more books about female sexuality, power dynamics, and the horrors that women face all the time. I wish these things were marketed just as much towards men and towards teenagers as they were towards parents and women. I'm not really sure why this is being housed in the parenting section, but I'm glad that the library has it.