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Grade
9

 

The tiny blossom of hope couldn't quite be stomped to its death by the immense feeling of sadness and reluctance I felt on the way to the office. Maybe I could find something useful that could actually help me. Although my mind was conflicted, I stopped to appreciate the soft pastel blue that was spread all over the sky and the fresh, sweet air that my lungs had yearned for. I didn't think much of the usual colloquial protocol of parking and entering the building, yet I still noticed the soft, down to earth colors that enforced the strong feeling of safety, “Take a left,” I said to myself, turning and walking down a hall, last room on the right.

“Hello, Ms...Delacruz?” A blonde, petite woman greeted my sight. Gesturing to a chair, she said warmly, “Welcome, feel free to take a seat and a small box of those macarons to your right,” She pointed, and I eagerly walked over to the small counter where a silver box about the size of my hand stood. “I heard that vanilla was your favorite flavor?” I nodded, not bothering to question how she had known.

Realizing that she was waiting for me to finish eating, I sat down and swallowed the last bits of the delicious macarons. “So,” She started, “What brings you here?”
She nods, “Go on,”

“I...um, he and I just, well, I guess…” I sighed, “We really lack in the communication department.”

“Aha,” She says, tapping her leg with her index finger, her left leg is crossed over her knee, and her red pointed heel is pointing at me. “What do you think might’ve caused that?”

I shrug, “I-I don’t know, we both love each other a lot, but we just can’t... talk. Like, it wasn’t like this before we realized how we felt about each other, we were really close friends, and kind of just wanted to make it something more when we both agreed that we could make it work, but now, I’m not really sure. He doesn’t want me to meet his friends, and he doesn’t seem to make an effort to include me in things that, if the roles were reversed, I would gladly let him come along.”

She was scribbling fiercely now, and I felt a bit sick to my stomach, what did this all mean? “Is he…timid?”

“Yeah,” I said, “And I’m just, really depressed. I don’t know how to describe it, but I just feel like he doesn’t seem to like me that much anymore, and a lot of things happened over the past couple weeks, so I’m really struggling to cope with what’s happened and this current situation. It’s all incredibly stressful. I just don’t think he’s really as devoted to this relationship as me.”

I felt tears form, “I just really want to cry, because there’s been so many people that I could’ve been better off without, but I just can’t bear the thought of being alone. So many people have left me just for being me and there’s too many hectic things and thoughts are just swirling in my head, I just want to break down and cry so much that when I’m done, there won’t be any tears left to let out.”

She stood up, “Did you ever think that it’s your weakness?” She walked around, looking out the window, “To be afraid to look or be alone?” She played with the pen, looking at me, she asked, “Why is it so bad to be alone? Why do you hate it?”

Trying to find an answer, I said, “I guess i’m more reliant on my reputation and how good it looks. I’m always making new friends and keeping up a facade of who I’m not, and then truly acting like myself around the people I know and trust.” My shoes looked like a very good spot to concentrate on, “I just don’t know what to do.”

She smiled, “Are you afraid of cutting it off?”

“What?” I must’ve looked baffled, “Why would I cut it off?”

“Because he doesn’t talk to you,” She said so bluntly that I winced. “Why would you even want someone like that?”

“What the hell?”

“You know it’s your fault that your friends left you,” She broke the pen in half, clenching her fist tightly, then loosening to let the pieces fall to the floor, their soft clutters breaking me out of my trance. Her smile slowly grew as the walls around me turn red and the chair I was sitting on suddenly felt hot. “You’re on fire, honey.”

I jumped up, panic lodging itself permanently in my throat, and I struggled to breath as the smoke went into my nose and I coughed violently, feeling my eyes tear up. “What is this?” I managed to gasp out, my lungs feeling like they shrunk to the size of a walnut, “What are you doing?”

“I’m not here to help, sweetheart,” The lady purred, “I’m the worst thing,” She flicked my forehead, “That your inferior little mind could come up with.”

I backed up, nearly tripping over the burned rug, “Yeah?” I said nervously, “And what could that possibly be?”

“I’m not someone who’s going to ruin you for your life,” She laughed, “I’m the thoughts that roam in your head and poison every minute of it.” She walked closer, her eyes turning red, “Why so irrational now, hm?” I was ready to run.

where is the door?

“Don’t think about running. You’re trapped.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, tugging my shirt up to my nose.

“Ask yourself,” She replied, her finger trailing the wooden desk, curiously unburned. “It’s not like I wanted to move here, you brought this onto yourself.”

And in the midst of the terror, I realized that she was right. “It is my fault,” She whispered, “Why do I always do everything wrong?”

“Hmm,” She chuckled, “Yes, why do you have to mess up so much? It’s probably the only thing you’re good at,” She heaved herself up and watched me with her feline eyes, “Such a pitiful thing,” She murmured, “You used to be so strong, now all you are is the frail, weak teenager I once dwelled in.”  She smiled at me wickedly, “Remember that one time when you lost your two best friends? Remember when they pushed you away, because it was all your fault?” She taunted, “Aww, are you crying now?” She said viciously, her voice sounding distorted and otherworldly, “Humans are so fragile.”

“Stop,” I said weakly, tears falling down my ash streaked face.

She pointed at me, “And here it is, the evidence. You sensitive little thing, there’s a reason why the two people you trusted most decided to leave you behind for the better. They were God’s angels compared to you and all you did was drag them down.”

“No,” I said dully, “I helped them fly at one point.”

“Making them more sociable isn’t lifting someone up,” She replied impassively, “But I suppose you can feed yourself lies if it really helps you get through the day.” She flashed an evil grin. “Hey ever wonder why people were staring at you in the train station?” She gave me a thoughtful look and pretended to think, “Or what about the question you asked the other day? They probably thought you were so dumb.”

I couldn’t see her face over the fire surrounding me very well, “Well, you see, two of my ‘best friends’ leaving me isn’t really a loss, to be honest,” She sat up, looking interested, “It’s a gain if all they do is jump to conclusions and constantly piss you off.” I looked at the lady straight in the eye, part of her face was beginning to burn, but the rest of her was spotless.

Is she going to burn to pieces if I keep contradicting whatever she has to say?

“Oh, but dearie, why did you even bother with them in the first place?” She chuckled.

I shrugged, “Sometimes people lead you on, and you don't see who they really are until it's too late,” I leaned against the chair, pretending that there wasn't fire around me, ready to consume the doubt that still lingered. “It’s really just how good you are at reading people and trying to find out their intentions.”

The flame inside her eyes flickered to a stop for a moment, and for the quickest second I thought I saw a murderous glint reflect in the dark of her pitch black pupils. “You stupid girl,” she said furiously, “Are you blind?” In a moment of mere seconds, her pupils were gone, with nothing but the white, bloodshot sclera left behind. Her eyes dripped blood and a chain appeared and wrapped itself around her neck. She stood over me. “You only have yourself to blame for everything,” She said lowly, and an inexplicable wave of fear rushed over me, the slow, dull feeling of chills went down my spine, and despite lacking her pupils, I knew she could see me, she was staring straight at me, angry for not accepting the unnecessary thoughts she had forced on to me. “Because of that, your own reality is becoming non-existent, and soon, you will be too.”

I was frozen in place. She was right. Was this reality? Or was this entire thing… inside my mind? “No way,” I breathed, clutching my head in the sweaty, shaking palms of my hands, a low groan passed through me, and I struggled to inhale. My throat seemed to sew itself together and any way of breathing regularly evaded me.

She has shown mercy today.

But there I sat, letting the tears flow down my cheeks as the demon laughed and taunted me, attacking the thoughts in my mind. My ability to stay grounded was gone, and the slow spreading of a horrifying numbness took over for what seemed like eternity.

Tap, tap, tap, she was coming closer, and a long, cold finger slid under my chin and the sharp nail pressed into my skin as she tilted my chin up. Slowly, I brought myself to meet the eyes of a demon who took her victims by the mind until she drove them insane. Masterfully disguised as a blonde, petite and innocent looking woman, she had just destroyed all the walls I’d been trying to let down.

She laughed softly, her eyes so bloodshot they may as well have been red, “One last thing, my dear,

I don't suggest trying to fight back the only thing that can fuck you over this bad.”